I meant to repost this when Google first recommended the post, but was too busy. Recently, I listened to some girlfriends complain about men not flirting anymore and resorting to online dating. Which reminded me I had to REPOST this article of someone feeling started by being asked out.

I’m not a woman. As such, some would say I do not get a say on this matter. Which is weird, because I’m also not in the army, not living in Ukraine, not a virologist, but people do not mind when I voice those opinion.

At the risk of offending someone, I will just say that 1. I opted for online dating since 2012, when Tinder was for iPhone only. Mostly because I prefer internet addicts. Also, because I have doubts about consent when flirting. I did organically ask out a dozen or so people in the decade after. 2. I’m a straight male living in a very gay city. I get hit on and cat called by men, sometimes even harassed. I find it flattering. That said, the power dynamic differs. I’m not afraid fliters will follow me home.

I don’t know Brooke. I doubt she will ever see this repost. If she wants me to take it down, sure. Honestly, I’m jealous she manages two sentence paragraphs. I struggle to get under six per paragraph.

I just find dating obsession to miss the point of being yourself and having fun. It’s indicative of our times, ridden with double standards. She simultaneously feels startled by men asking her out, not creeped out as others do, but does admit it’s healthy to have organic meetings. The problem is we live in a time where we want gender equality, except with dating. So I respect her conclusion to get off dating apps, but think it wont last long, unless she either finds a partner or makes the decision to ask out cute boys.
Original link: https://www.narcity.com/toronto/someone-in-toronto-asked-me-out-irl-it-was-honestly-the-most-jarring-experience

I used different pictures to spruce up the piece, instead of including the author. Resharing images without consent seemed crossing the line more than resharing hilarious text.

Someone In Toronto Asked Me Out IRL & It Was Honestly The Most Jarring Experience

Has online dating ruined dating IRL?

Brooke Houghton Toronto Staff Writer
Apr 13, 2023, 11:18 AM

Online dating can be a nightmare but has it ruined dating in real life too?

Since the pandemic, online dating has become a normal part of my life. I idly open Hinge while surfing Netflix shows and swipe through singles in my area but I can't remember the last time I asked a stranger out IRL.

My friends and I open a bottle of wine and trade our phones around like tweens at a sleepover gossiping about the kids in our class — except in this case, the kids are strange singles in our area.

(Did someone say stranger danger?)

Cheesy pickup lines and vague conversations about your day are standard on dating apps, but they can feel foreign and strangely intimate in real life when they come from strangers without strategically polished profiles.

I was out at a coffee shop recently waiting to order a drink when a person in line struck up a conversation with me on what to order — after some casual small talk, I offered up my order (a cappuccino) as a suggestion.

They ordered it with a smile, and we parted ways to our separate tables.

On their way out, they left their business card on my table and told me to give them a call if I ever wanted to grab a drink and I was floored.

No crude remark or someone hollering at me in the street? The subtle approach was a breath of fresh air.

When did asking someone out IRL become noteworthy?

Leaving their business card left the ball in my court and felt strangely endearing in comparison to getting a "match" online — and it was at this moment that I realized online dating had corrupted my perception of dating.

Since when was asking someone out in real life revolutionary? Most of my friends have met their beaus online through dating apps and Instagram DM's with the odd high school sweetheart or co-worker turned lover thrown into the mix. Which makes sense given the "Mere Exposure Effect" which theorizes that attraction grows between people the more that they are exposed to each other, so that slow-burn attraction between you and someone you see often like a co-worker or classmate, is pretty realistic.

But if we're so comfortable dating strangers online, why is it weird in person?

A psychotherapist's take on dating IRL after being online

Psychotherapist Kristina Virro says dating online takes the pressure off meeting people since you're able to cultivate your image on your own time.

"There are certain luxuries that are afforded with online dating that one might not have in the real world, too. For example, I can take 10 minutes to think of a witty response if I'm messaging someone, but pausing for a long period of time to come up with a joke would seem odd in real life," said Virro.

She explained that approaching strangers in real life requires an additional level of vulnerability which may explain why it can feel so shocking and refreshing.

"In my opinion, transitioning to dating in person after a period of online dating feels foreign because it requires a much higher degree of vulnerability and connection with another person. Seeing how someone acts in real-time — and when they don't have the opportunity to curate or edit themselves — creates a much more authentic interaction." Virro explained that in a world of beauty filters and AI technology, dating in real life may just feel refreshingly authentic, and I have to agree.

Should you ditch the apps?

If you're nosey like me, I did end up going on that coffee date, and while it wasn't a love connection, it has inspired me to stray away from dating apps and back into real life.

Toronto's dating scene gets a lot of heat for how hard it is to meet people but maybe we'd all have better luck if we ditched our phones and got out.

So if you're online dating and the thought of asking a stranger out in person terrifies you, it may be time to take a break from the apps and take a swing at dating in real life again.

Remember to pass your dating app profile around, have friends weigh in on your conversations, then wonder why dating has gone awry. Better, listen to Slavoj Zizek: Buy a sex toy, put it on the table, and have it play with your date’s sex toy, while you two actually talk and get to know each other.