PPP: Politics & Pepsi Paradox
Like millions, I thought I was a Coke person, despite preferring Pepsi. That’s politics.
Growing up, my dad insisted nobody could tell the difference between Coke, Pepsi and CVS knockoffs. My brother and I would violently disagree. We begged him to let us do a taste test. He never let us try that experiment because he knew, deep down, there is a difference. He cared that our CVS knockoffs were the cheapest option, not best flavor.
Most people inherit their drink prefs from their parents. My dad chose knock offs. I branched out to try new drinks. I tasted it all! And the truth is it’s all just sugar-y, watered down, bullshit. But what are we, Mormons? What are we, pre-1767 peasants?
As a kid, we mixed all the colas at the fountain and called it “Suicide.” Oh, what a high. Otherwise, I opted for Coke over Pepsi. That became a challenge when later going to a Pepsi U. (#gogators). I remember laughing at terrible, hacky jokes like, “So I says to the waiter, ‘Can I get a Coke?’ And this jabroni, you know what he says? ‘Is Pepsi OK?’ Is Pepsi OK?! So I says, ‘Is not paying OK?!’ Ayo!”
After Uni, I didn’t drink cola for a decade. Like politics, soda is bad even in moderation. But soda and politics are unavoidable addictions, and addictions come back. I relapsed, maybe because hearing about people who don’t drink soda (or don’t watch TV) is the only thing more annoying than hearing about politics, a topic that makes coked-out sots seem relatively chilled. I went back on the pop, baby. And eventually, like many others, I even grew up, and I learned that Pepsi is objectively better than Coke, despite Coke’s popularity and brand presence all over social media.
Look, my background is pretty irrelevant to this essay, but I hope it’s relatable, before I descend into soda-fueled madness, that probably won’t be. This is about your choices. So, for Gen Z readers and younger, or those who miraculously survived a childhood without TV, the Pepsi Challenge was a marketing campaign that started in the 1970s. Pepsi set up blind taste tests where people sampled two unmarked cups and picked the one they liked better. Participants leaned towards Pepsi, a slightly sweeter drink, designed for small, responsible sips, instead of guzzling. People prefer Pepsi to Coke.
Neuroscientists even backed the Pepsi Challenge. In one experiment, researchers gave subjects Coke and Pepsi while scanning their brains. When participants drank the dranks blindfolded, taste preference leaned toward Pepsi. But when the labels were revealed, preference shifted toward Coke, and brain regions associated with memory and identity lit up. Branding literally changed the experience of taste. [McClure et al., 2004, “Neural correlates of behavioral preference for culturally familiar drinks”]
Well that’s the story we’re told by Big Bevs. The woke see past these poli-tricks.
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Conspiracists and free thinkers point out that RC Cola wasn’t even in the challenge, at all. Pepsi just needed to prove they’re better than Coke, their serious competition.
To bring it back to me, for no reason, my taste tests found that Texas grocer H-E-B had the actual best sodas, and they would only cost a quarter! Then there’s, Dr. Pepper, the educated man’s cola, or Mountain Dew, the choice of pre-diabetics who piss in a cup while playing Halo or CoD. The Texan poor man’s soda, the candidate with a f-ing PhD, and the go-to for the zit-faced incels in US weren’t ever on the ballots either.
Why? We live in a sucky, two-soda system.
As someone who’s stocked bars and traveled the world, I guarantee you many more would go sugar-free or zero given the choice. They’re the first thing bodegas run out of. But their suppliers give three cases of sugar-filled to each case of sugar-free.
Coke or Pepsi. That’s all, folks. There is technically room for a third drink. But society collectively laughs at the thought of it. There was even a Sarah Silverman Program bit on Tab Cola, which may have you saying, “Huh? She had a show?”
Brian, “G-d forbid the Universe defy you with an opportunity to try something new!”
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The Pepsi Challenge led to what was dubbed the Pepsi Paradox: Despite Pepsi tasting better for most, Coca-Cola rules. Coke products outsell Pepsi by kilo-miles. We’re talking 69% of the market vs 27%. [Investopedia] We can blame marketing or gerrymandering. Or we can accept that people, for the most part, are absolute morons.
You can blindfold Mr. Average Joe Camel, have them throw back some Coke and Pepsi, they tell you they prefer the Pepsi, you show them the labels, you prove to them they prefer Pepsi… and they still go out and buy Coke. Why? Cause, ‘f you, that’s why.’
Every economist and CDC employee need remember that dumb people make dumb choices that go against our best interests. These choices are popular. They’re sold to us and we buy in. Most people can’t disseminate information or they choose not to.
Voters ignore history, taste, data, nutrition labels, embezzlement scandals, logic etc. They choose what they think we think is cool. This Econ 101 idea is deeply unsettling.
We musn’t obsess, lest we become the guy in Suicidal Tendencies’ “Institutionalized.” Sing it with me, reader, imagining my beautiful voice, “I go, ‘Mom, just give me a Pepsi please. All I want is a Pepsi. And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi! Just one Pepsi! And she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!”
I choose to obsess. I can’t be silent while we’re force-fed bad choices. Seriously, who the hell cares if some stranger insists you’re a schizophrenic or bot for it. Truth matters.
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Taste tests, like our political system, are designed to not present a healthy alternative. You can call it A/B testing. I believe in Mr. Worldwide, “I try to always create solutions. Politics is different. That’s why I call it politricks.” It’s a sham. It’s a mockery of justice.
The Pepsi Paradox keeps the man down. You should drink what you want, not what’s popular on social media, not what’s being conveniently packaged and sold to you.
Pero, like, in 2006, Mitt Romney made the basis of the Affordable Care Act. He was hated for it. Barack Obama then offered virtually the same, and was treated like a G-d. The mayor of San Francisco, Daniel Lurie, made a sensible universal child education plan, that exempted the ultra-wealthy from a handout. Social media flocked to complain. Meanwhile, these same morons praised a worse plan, without these exemptions, when it was presented by mayor of NY, Nepobaby Mamdani.
Remember, if you handed a lifelong Coke drinker a Pepsi glass without telling them, they would happily drink it. They may even prefer it. The second they find out it’s Pepsi, all hell breaks loose. Their identity is Coke. Strip away party labels and many voters would quietly agree on policy details, budgets, and priorities. Put the labels back on, dress it up with edgy memes and synchronized inauthentic activity, inversion happens.
Soda drinkers are convinced their ‘Other bev’ represents a real threat to civilization. “Pepsi drinkers are bootlickers!” “Coke drinkers are fascists!” “Everone who doesn’t drink the kool-aid is a pedophile!” “They’re eating the babies!!!”
I just don’t get it. They’re two caramel-colored sugar water fizzies, with slightly different marketing. They’re both unhealthy. They both lost fans by giving to charity. They both absolutely should not be part of your identity, but are. So here I am, typing page 3.
Behind the sodas, most of the world favors merit and technology, whether it’s to increase food production, or to make politics more equitable. Coke and Pepsi keep us from from heading that direction. The fountains are rigged, I tells you.
The lesson of the Pepsi Paradox is that preference and choice are not the same thing. Branding, which leads to social pressure and identity, matters more. We’re exploited. If we could only see through the fizz, like some hypothetical Crystal Pepsi, we’d all win.
Different times call for different drinks. Your brunch goes better with a Brisk. Your dessert deserves a cherry cola on top. Something something Vanilla Coke.
More options IS better. Limited choice limits our freedoms.
We built entire political identities around tiny differences, while ignoring healthy choices. We have literal wars over this Coke vs Pepsi mentality. And, at the end of the day, Iced Tea is a better option for most days. Or lemonade. Or Arnold Palmer Palmer, which is what my brilliantly fat friends call ⅔ iced tea and ⅓ lemonade.
The problem with the two-cola system is that neither option goes well with lunch. So you know what I says? I says, “Check, please!”
I usually include images to break up my post, but I wanted to show my descent into madness with this one. So here’s some Simpsons soda pics I left out.
“Lisa, I made you some homemade Pepsi for the dance. It's a little thick, but the price is right!”
