Anna's Icks Vol. 2
Continuing to list my friend Anna's ick list. [Read vol 1 here!]
Don't expect basic bitch things like "smokes" or "under 6' tall." Don't expect good girl things like "doesn't talk to his mom" or "no ambition." These aren’t preferences or expectations, they’re icks.
Anna's icks are refined, for the master dater. They're the kind men hate to hear, but should.
For transparency, Anna is now more of a collective Anna, since I asked other friends to help. The real Anna is still modifying and signing off on the final ick, so I'm counting it.
10. Too much cologne
Bad smell is a turnoff for everyone, and wearing cologne or scented deodorant is important if you suffer from BO. That's common sense. Too much cologne is also problematic.
Anna doesn't want to feel like she's walked into a department store after an earthquake.
PS I personally love to waste Neiman Marcus’ time trying $400 scents, but prefer a good body wash over musk.
Oasis for Men?
11. Long nails
David Lo Pan, the bad guy in Big Trouble in Little China, gets a pass. I insist on it, even if Anna hasn't seen the greatest movie of all time (next to Mean Girls).
My ick: people who don’t know Big Trouble in Little China references
12. Mansplaining any topic
Fellas, maybe she knows about the topic you're raving on and on about. Maybe she knows more than you do about it.
In general, you're going to be liked more by asking and answering questions, not answering things nobody asked. People don’t want your Forrest Gump answer. Especially people at a bus stop.
I'm pretty sure this goes double for AI and crypto. Like, great if you made money on it, but you bros need other interests. Talk about how she can spend that money, not how you made it.
Classic “bro explaining” meme
13. Too many emojis
👨📱😅😂😍😜😎😆😏😅😂📈➡️🚫❤️
Anna specified the following emojis are particularly icky: ☺️🥺🫣💦🍑🍆🙈😈
Pity Tinder doesn't let you filter out emoji users. I’ve been studying these damned things forever and still maybe use three, tops, when adding an “lol” wont do the trick to make something seem less serious.
Is this art?
14. Hidden/no-show socks
Somehow, socks with sandals... not on this list.
Non-visible socks are on the list. Socks should go to the ankle or higher, I guess.
Anna did admit, "Although, I did once see them on a man and powered through. It wasn't easy."
Not knowing what a shoobie is? That’s a paddlin’… ick.
15. Men with lady hands
This is apparently different from men with long nails? Or has crossover? I would elaborate, but I can't.
I guess it's about manicured nails and softness? Man hands should look like they went through a cheese grater!
Note: I tried to find a picture of a bodybuilder tough guy with femme nails, but I couldn't. Hands and feet gross me out, so I'm sorry I even tried. [That’s not an ick, just a phobia.]
Note: I just realized there are at least four Seinfeld plotlines that kind of, sort of involve "man hands": 1. George becomes a hand model. 2. Jerry dates a woman with "man hands" (his ick). 3. George thinks he's being flipped off by a man whose hand is in a cast. 4. Jerry accidentally breaks Mike's thumbs in a car trunk. I’m digressing.
16. Never ever kissing in public
This is not a pro- or anti-PDA statement! There's some tolerance for wanting privacy for intimacy.
This is about never ever kissing in public, not around friends who know you're together, not around strangers you'll never meet, not even drunk at last call at a bar. It's giving: hiding the relationship, maybe not over an ex, maybe not really attracted but wants to go out or have sex later.
Note: I miraculously can’t come up with a great example of this hide-the-person-I’m-with-right-now trope and it’s bothering me so much. Please send help.
17. Baby talk
I didn't know men do this. And I'm not really able to fathom it, so I'll just have faith it happens. At least to Anna.
Will say that it goes both ways: many men hate it when women talk with a breathy, girlish, purr-like Betty Boop voice. There are variations that aren't "flapper" or "old Hollywood."
Note: Lisa Gilroy does a great impression of the doll-like baby-talk voice, but I couldn’t find a good example. Here’s one that’s an OK example.
IDK any men who do baby talk. I know Lina Lamont in Singin’ in the Rain, Marilyn Monroe and Betty Boop.
18. Giving "mass text vibe" with those daily "Good morning beautiful!" and "Gnight sexy!" texts
It wouldn't be GuySpace if there wasn't an excessively long analysis somewhere.
As a proud simp, #18 was surprising. It reminds me of the dreaded "don't text within 6 hours or after 48 hours" rule. F that rule. [Did you know I was once on The Endless Honeymoon Podcast #64 and wanted to talk about this rule? Ended up being cringe and talkin Covid.]
And F the "three dates before sex" rule. [Mom, if you're reading this, the F stands for forget!]
A few friends signed off on ick 18, not just Anna. So it's a real ick. But there's missing nuance. Like: if you're super hot, you get a pass.
If you're seriously trying to capture attention, don't be generic. Don't send something out of the blue that's the "nice guy" equivalent of "you up?"
Sending something too generic, too often, gives off "eggs in too many baskets." He's trying to put his thumb in too many pies, if you know what I mean.
Basically, you shouldn't come off as obsessed. Play it cool. Jazz-cool.
When you feel hopelessly in love, you wanna talk to someone every second of every day. But when you're busy and not spinning with teenage emotions, someone messaging you even the most benign things can get real annoying, real quick. Let the relationship breathe. People need space!
So, daters, remember not to suffocate someone with cutesy-wootsie msgs.
Hope Jerry Messing is doing alright [He’s a famous actor, not just fedora guy]
Is this a list of what makes men undateable or what makes women undateable? Comment your thoughts on these icks, or comment your own icks.
