Dodging a Bullet, One Interview at a Time
(If it needs to be said, the following is [/s].)
There’s no feeling quite like the relief that washes over me when, after spending hours on an interview process, I’m finally told they actually need someone who speaks Hebrew—despite never mentioning it in the job posting. It’s like a surprise party, except instead of cake and balloons, I get a deep sense of existential exhaustion. You’d think listing “Hebrew fluency required” would be easier than scheduling multiple rounds of interviews, but hey, what do I know? Clearly not fluent Hebrew. Or how to interpret vague job descriptions.
Yes, I’ve lived in Israel for six years, and yet, my Hebrew is about an Ulpan Gimmel (Hebrew 303) level. But in my defense, I’m not the only one. Plenty of people live here without it. It used to be a perfectly viable lifestyle choice, ideal for those who preferred not to accidentally eavesdrop on conversations. Once upon a time, you could glide through life with English, French or Russian, hand gestures, and the occasional desperate Google Translate session. But now? Now, it’s an unwritten rule. Despite Israel’s thriving international workforce, basic conversational Hebrew is apparently more critical to the role than, say, actual job skills.
What’s next? Requiring English in Miami? Afrikaans in South Africa?
But really, I’m grateful. There's always a fun little game of spotting the differences between the job listing and the actual job duties. If a company can’t manage to specify a core requirement in the job description, imagine what other delightful surprises they’re hiding. Will they also forget to mention that the office is actually a thunderdome? Or that their idea of a “competitive salary” is based on 1990s exchange rates? If they can’t nail the basics like hiring criteria, I can only assume their “work culture” involves a sea of unnecessary meetings that could have been emails. Hard pass.
I’ve seen where these companies go. They hire someone who speaks both English and Hebrew at a conversational level, and it sort of works—until it doesn’t. Their websites are riddled with typos. Their knowledge base is outdated and missing key content because no one wants to take ownership. Every conversation is filled with, “Ugh, how do you say…???” Guess what! I can say it. Meanwhile, clients who expect polished professionalism don’t trust them, especially the “America first” types. It’s the kind of startup mentality that refuses to quit but also refuses to grow into anything resembling a developed enterprise with ISO 9000 family guides and CISO compliance..
It’s not like I mind the wasted time! Who doesn’t love spending six-plus hours per interview cycle while juggling a full-time job, a part-time job, two volunteer roles, personal responsibilities like cooking, cleaning, and working out, plus hobbies like writing for my blog and DJing? I love when I’m required to do a three-to-six-hour technical interview, absolutely nail it, and then get told that someone else has more experience—or better yet, that there’s an issue with me using ChatGPT despite the prompt explicitly allowing AI. These unpaid hours waste my time so much more effectively than unwinding with a TV show before collapsing into bed. Honestly, I should be paying them for the privilege of draining my already nonexistent free time. So really, no hard feelings—just pure, unfiltered joy at yet another opportunity to practice patience and refine my ability to smile through gritted teeth.
