New (Aminal) Pet Names
DAL-E image of a Gingey
When I was a pre-teen, I discovered something magical: every orange tabby cat was named Gingey. It didn’t matter if it was strolling down the street or peeking out a window—it was Gingey. That was just The Rule. You see an orange cat? You call it Gingey. Done. Easy.
Fast forward to college, where I had some punk friends with cats that came and went as they pleased. One cat stood out: Lil Smokey, a dark gray fluffball with fur as thick as armor. One time Lil Smokers got a hold of some alcohol and went around scratching people… just cause. Smokey had an attitude, a presence, a whole vibe. When she tragically passed, I decided her name would live on. Any cat with thick, gray fur was now Smokey. Sometimes Lil Smokey, sometimes Big Smokey. If neither fit, just Smokey. Over the years, I’ve had the joy of spotting many Smokeys. Even today, my favorite building cat—who comes with offerings of dead mice, to exchange for treats—she is also Lil Smokey.
Then came Jimi Hendrix, my family’s dog who somehow lived up to his legendary namesake. You couldn’t just call him "Jimi." It’s always Jimi Hendrix, or sometimes just "Jim," but never, never "Jimmi.” When he passed about six years ago, I couldn’t bear to call another dog Jimi Hendrix. That name was retired, but I still needed a substitute. And thus, "Kevin" was born.
Dal-E image of a Lil Smokey. Honestly, this cat looks more Main Coon. And my Main Coon friend is named Gucci. Lil Smokeys tend to have more scratches and bites from living on the streets.
Not everyone loves these names. My brother-in-law Kevin doesn’t love that I call every Cavie by his name. And since my close friends Paul and Cat have a kitty named Kevin, Kevin the human’s been relegated to “Kev,” while furry animals get his name. But sorry, not sorry, folks—your dog is Kevin until proven otherwise.
Recently, I’ve been experimenting with new names. Just today, I saw a majestic Chow Chow and decided to christen him "Chowsef"—like Chow-Joseph. I don’t think that one will stick. But it’s got potential.
Here’s some I thougbt of this morning:
Bengal Cat = Mr. Meowgi (name we gave a friend’s Bengal)
Black Cat = Layla (means “night” in Hebrew)
Calico = Jack Skellington, Sally or Dr. Finkelstein (they remind me of Halloween, which reminds me of The Nightmare Before Christmas)
Bull Terrier = Shlomo (I’m Jewish so I can make this joke)
Dachshund = Glizzy (I absolutely hate this Gen-Z slang term for “hot dogs.” Alongside “dab” it’s the worst recycle of a slang term. HOWEVER, it’s a good dog name!)
Dalmation = Dotty or Freckles
Bulldog = Meatball, Tugboat or Tank
Any tiny mutt = Master Splinter
Skinny Labrador Retriever = Buddy
Fat Labrador Retriever = Snorlax
Australian Shepherd = Ozzy, Bruce or Sharon. Maybe Margot.
Irish Setter = Rusty
Greyhound = Santa’s Little Helper (The Simpsons)
Bull Terrier image by DAL-E
I’m still workshopping names, so if you’ve got any suggestions for aminals (or people, honestly), drop them in the comments. Until then, every gray cat is Smokey, every cavalier is Kevin, and every orange tabby? You already know. It’s Gingey. Always Gingey.
PS Most of the pets I lived with in order: Minnie Miner, Jimi Hendrix, Mr. Meowgi, Ferret Bueler, Mischa, Ron Weasel (Aka Coach McGirk), Aretha Franklin, and, today, Naya Nahalayim.
PPS: Happy New Year from me, Guy. I’m thinking about starting a newsletter in 2025. What do you think?
