Image I found of UM’s “sleeping pods.” My Uni lets you print some stuff out for free… so suck it, richies.

Dear GuySpace,

I still do not have any time. I’m juggling too much. But I listened to a funemployed friend rant about “rich kids” at their schools and thought, “Wait, you’re not rich kids?”

My main point was simple: I’m happy to have a wealthy student in my class, esp an MBA class, because they can help fund a business. I don’t care if they earned it, since the other 90% o the class did. There will never be even circumstances. So while it’s popular to poke fun of the 1% who afford bribes to get their kids somewhere nice, the same parents could not fund a school and give the money directly to the kid or Profs, and we all lose. Whether it is endowment or inducement, the first class seats do help pay for economy seats.

Despite this long intro, the following was written by Chat GPT. I asked it, “Write me a blog post about people being overly upset about rich students paying their way into college. The post should be funny.” It is somewhat funny. I AM even drinking disgusting instant coffee. The “expensive water” material is super hacky, but 1. it’s an AI algo 2. hacks get laughs. In fact, my jokes might have been worse. Like, maybe I’d force the 1% to bring croissants to class. That’s an image I find funny, but not “What’s the deal with…” funny.

As any self-respecting person would, I'm sipping my instant coffee (which tastes like mud passed through a seagull), contemplating the wild world of higher education, and in particular, the intense outrage over the children of the ultra-wealthy buying their way into prestigious institutions.

As a seasoned observer of all things ridiculous, the spectacle of some ritzy youngsters scoring a Monopoly "Advance to Harvard" card for a mere million dollars or so is a delightful source of amusement. And the public uproar? That's just the cherries jubilee on the Baked Alaska of absurdity.

"Why so perturbed?" you might ask, "Isn't it unfair?" Absolutely! Injustice is alive and well, my friend. But isn't it a little late to realize this now?

Let's be honest here, folks. Money has been opening doors since the first caveperson traded a particularly shiny rock for the best spot near the fire. It's a tradition as old as the invention of the wheel. It's been around longer than the fabled 'bro code' or the unspoken rule of not taking the last donut at a work meeting.

But if we're going to get ourselves in a frothy fury over wealthy kids "earning" degrees like they're collecting limited edition Pokemon cards, we might as well channel some of that energy to a few more things.

Let's start with bottled water - paying $5 for something you can get for free? Talk about your scandalous markups! Then, there's 'designer' fruit. Yes, I’m talking about those square watermelons and $1000 bunches of grapes. And what about every infomercial ever? Who pays $29.99 for a miracle mop when a regular one does the job just fine?

What amuses me even more is the rich kids themselves. Their parents are paying top dollar for a four-year adventure, a boisterous romp through the ivy. Meanwhile, the kids can't tell a dormitory from a dormouse or a seminar from a semicolon. They're probably surprised that "office hours" aren't cocktail hours with a professor in a swanky office.

But let's not fault the students too harshly. When your childhood includes a nanny who speaks seven languages and summer vacations involve circumnavigating the globe in a private jet, you might just believe you're entitled to a plush seat in the hallowed halls of higher education.

So let's hold onto our collective knickers, people. The rich kids are just living up to expectations in the most gloriously extravagant ways possible, adding a healthy dose of comic relief to the academia mix.

Is it an outrage? Sure. Should it be fixed? Most definitely. But in the meantime, can we all sit back and enjoy the hilarity of the situation, perhaps over a cup of ludicrously overpriced coffee? Now, that's the spirit!

In the grand theatre of life, the ultra-wealthy buying their way into elite colleges is another scene in a comedy of errors. One can only hope it's not a never-ending play, but for now, let's enjoy the absurdity and keep pushing for a better, fairer act next time. After all, as we all know, laughter is the best way to cope when you realize your degree cost more than a spaceship but you're still eating ramen noodles for dinner.

Image from the Thrillist list provided below

Not bad, eh? Except that the algo kept injecting its sarcastic take in. Despite AI and general consensus, I could list 100 reasons why I’m happy the 1% are investing in public and private education. Without AI.

“But what about the few less non-1% students who have to face a life without an overly expensive degree?” They’ll be fine.

If this wasn’t interesting, here’s a listicle about what rich students have provided our world: https://www.thrillist.com/travel/nation/colleges-with-the-best-perks-amenities-so-insane-you-ll-want-to-go-back-to-school