Inspired by previous conversations and a recent secret on The Endless Honeymoon (Podcast with Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher), I had ChatGPT spit out this essay. I modified it here and there.

PS: Yes, I shave my armpits. Yes, I keep stick deoderant in the fridge during summer. Try it, men.

Sophia Loren (NOT Monroe!), 1955 Photo: Getty Images
Taken from Vogue article: https://www.vogue.com/article/celebrities-who-dont-shave-underarm-hair-julia-roberts-madonna-sophia-loren-lola-kirke

Hairy Situations: A Comedic Take on the Shear Absurdity of Armpit Etiquette

In the grand tapestry of human history, few debates have tickled the underarms of society quite like the contentious topic of armpit grooming. From the smooth underarm caves of the ancient Egyptians to the bushy armpit jungles embraced by modern-day rebels, the saga of armpit hair has been a hairy one indeed. But fear not, dear reader, for I, your intrepid and freshly shorn author, am here to navigate the follicle foibles of underarm etiquette, armed with nothing but a razor and a hearty dollop of humor.

The Hirsute History of Hair Removal

Once upon a time, in the ancient hotbeds of hair removal, it was all about staying cool in the sweltering heat and perhaps keeping lice at bay – talk about a close shave with hygiene! Fast forward to the 20th century, and suddenly, glossy ads were whispering sweet nothings into women's ears, convincing them that the path to true love was paved with hairless underarms. Meanwhile, men were left to ponder the forest on their own terrain, often opting to let the underbrush grow wild and free.

The Modern Mane-ifesto

Enter the 21st century, where the winds of change have blown the hair in all directions. On one hand, you have the valiant defenders of the natural look, boldly flipping the bird at the razor industry. On the other, there are folks like me, who, in a quest for deodorant efficiency, have decided that less is more when it comes to pit foliage. Let's face it, swiping deodorant over a smooth surface is like a hot knife through butter – a strangely satisfying, unobstructed glide that leaves you feeling fresher than a mint leaf in a mojito.

Furry Innuendos

But let's not split hairs here. Choosing to shave or not is like deciding between boxers or briefs, or dare I say, thongs or commando. It's a personal space, a hirsute haven where each strand (or its absence) tells a story. And while some argue that an unshaved pit is the pits, others find the call of the wild too alluring to tame. But whether you're a razor warrior or a fur aficionado, remember, it's all about what makes you feel like the bee's knees... or the bee's pits, in this case.

The Razor's Edge – A Close Shave with Humor

Now, don't get me wrong, navigating the underarm universe can be a hairy ordeal. There are days when I look at my razor and think, "You're the only one that gets me." And then there are times when I long for the carefree days of letting it all grow out, embracing the fuzz in a celebration of natural beauty. But whether you're smooth or shaggy, let's not forget the unspoken rule of pitiquette: it's your party, and you'll shave if you want to.

Conclusion

As we come to the stubbly end of our journey, let's remember that armpit grooming is not just about hair; it's a narrative wrapped in cultural threads and dipped in personal preference. Whether you're a staunch supporter of the shorn underarm or a proud patron of the natural fuzz, the moral of the story is crystal clear: Love thy pits, in all their hairy glory or sleek splendor. So, raise your arms in solidarity (or to check if you missed a spot shaving), and embrace the choice that makes you feel like the ultimate champion of your own skin. Because, in the end, the best pit policy is the one that tickles you just right.

Short article today, so here’s some related images and GIFs