Hip Thrusts: Why Women Make Better Power Bottoms
A few days ago, I wrote about the unspoken sauna rules, which started as jokes from a stand-up bit I did last year. The other half of that bit had me acting out the two most gendered weightlifting exercises. I may as well exhaust that joke too, so here’s what came after the bit about the sauna:
“See, men are obsessed with upper body strength, so they flock to fly machines and cables like it’s their destiny, convinced that being really good at opening doors is peak fitness.” For my bit I flexed and mirrored the cable chest fly excercise, joking, “Bro, come in for a hug!”
“Meanwhile, women? They do hip thrusts. Big, heavy, pelvis-powered thrusts. They want the other men and women in the gym to fear them.”
Since the premise of my joke was that I go to a “gay gym”, I couldn’t help but notice—”lady lifters look like power bottoms,” aka gay men who are dominant but also too lazy to stay in push-up position.
It wasn’t my best joke. The real joke was in the physical comedy, watching me mime the workout and come to terms with my big ass in real-time. A pro might do the whole Eric Prydz “Call On Me” routine, or run in circles trying to escape their own man butt.
Anywhoodles, the point is that at any gym in 2025+, you’ll see women throwing four to twelve plates onto a bar or machine for hip thrusts like it’s light work, while jacked dudes struggle with two. I have 2m (6 foot tall), 120 kilo bear friends from the gym who grunt as they struggle to keep up with half the weights of the 70 kilo, big booty ladies. I’ve seen princesses max out glute machines. It got me thinking: why are women so insanely good at this exercise?
So, I did some research. But science is boring and for nerds (like me), so I rewrote it in full Bro Science mode—just like I did in my recent essay on excessive protein consumption (I wrote this one without AI, so hopefully it’s funnier).
Enjoy!
0. Leg Day
Boys! Boys! Boys! I recently learned you can work out the lower half of your body.
I started with the euzh: squats, leg curls, kickbacks, leg presses, squats again. But my gay-workout-accountabillabuddy Mohammad would always boast his hip thrusts, an exercise I had not tried outside the bed room. And after a few sesses where I overted my fragile heterosexual eyes from his thrusts, I decided to get over my moronic heteronormative fears of working out my bum. I tried it out and was immediately humbled.
Not to brag, but I’ve had my fair share of sexy time with larger ladies. Thicc girls, if you will. And I didn’t get my death by snu snu, the honorable way to die. But my ego was crushed when I saw Minnie, Tahlia, Eden and other ladies at my gym get on the thrust machine after Mo and I, throwing on another 40 kilos… for their warm up. They can barely rack these weights, but they can thrust them like that bald porn star in all the memes (Yoni Chaitim, aka Johnny Sins).
Gym babes could put on a strap-on, lay down, and lift a sumo wrestler with their hips. They can lift a Ford F-350 Super Duty, with a trailer, using their booty.
Women are naturally better at this butt shaping exercise than men.
I looked into why women’s posteriors are so much more powerful than men’s, so I would have better excuses the next time I felt embarassed by more numbers that I probably shouldn’t pay attention to. These days, I’m not a scientist. So take the following with a grain of protein powder. It turns out that women’s superior hips come from a mix of biology, bro science, and male insecurity. Let’s dive in to biological differences with thrusting.
1. Women Were Built for Thrusts
Excuse #1: women pelvises are optimized for glute activation. Their glutes are naturally stronger relative to body weight. Their hips are engineered by G-d and/or higher estrogen levels to thrust efficiently. For some biological reason, women have a higher proportion of Type I muscle fibers in the lower body, which are more fatigue-resistant and excel at high-rep training. This means more volume and quicker recovery, aka more effective high-load thrusting movements. Women are natural power bottoms.
Women generally have a wider pelvis and a more favorable hip angle (Q-angle), which allows them to generate more force in hip-dominant movements like thrusts. Their hip structure allows for better leverage and mechanical advantage in thrusting movements. They can twerk it and work it better than men.
Straight dudes rarely use our hips unless we are actively procreating or power cleaning. We have to learn to use that thang. It doesn’t come natural. This is why when a guy tries a hip thrust, or hula hoop for that matter, he looks like he’s trying to fight off an invisible gay ghost.
And, to digress, most men are taking sex advice from other clueless men, not the women they’re trying to impress. That’s not helping.
2. Women (& Gays) Are on a Quest for the Perfect Cake
Beauty standards have changed. At some point, maybe after the rise of Sir Mix-A-Lot, women all agreed that having a gravity-defying ass was the ultimate sign of success. Kim Kardashian solidified this cultural trend. It was a real 180 from the 80s Jane Fonda Workouts, back when women thought big butts made you look ghetto, and flat butts were a sign of wealth. Back then, women did all they can to lose their booty meat. Ask Jodie Foster.
Today, women get injections, Brazilian butt lifts, various other surgeries, and, if they’re real desperate, even do exercises, for a bigger booty. Those ladies (and gay men) doing booty exercises go hard, sometimes thrusting three times a week. These gym babes are hitting 405 lbs for reps and checking their own form in the mirror, timing rest and plotting how to make gains. They’re the true heroes of the gym.
Straight dudes aren’t ever considering what our asses look like. It could be concave for all we care. Unlike women, our butts are for farting and pooping, two things we’re convinced women don’t do. We fine looking like Hank Hill.
Some women adjust their entire life around their badonkadonk donk. They’ll buy leggings with butt-sculpting technology, they’ll watch YouTube tutorials on “How to Make Your Ass Look Like a Pixar Mom”, and they’ll calibrate every squat to optimize cheek growth. One of my exes, with more butt than brain, would layer shorts under a skirt for the perfect “look down here” style. It’s hard to not worship their hard work.
Straight men? We can spend two hours in the gym and never once glance at our own backside. It’s just not calculated into our aesthetic, even if it should be. We look forward. Rubbernecking ourselves feels odd. In straight culture, if you touch your own buttocks and don’t pretend it’s a boob, it means the gays got you. Which is a shame, because straight women do often care about what we’re working with, on both sides.
3. The Mind-Butt Muscle Connection
Women actively engage their glutes with precision and purpose. They samba. They twerk. They warm up their butt muscles before squats by spanking their friends and giggling. They fire their glutes every time they walk. Some can even make their ass clap.
Straight guys? We are notorious for awkward movements. We hide our butts. Don’t ask a straight guy to throw his butt in the air. He’ll hurt himself.
Men, your glutes are back there, sleeping like a hibernating bear, because you never activated them properly. OK I’ve seen enough funny vids of big booty bros to know #notallmen . And I’ve been told in Australia, Down Under, they’re a bit broadder in the beam. But men should focus more on their down unders.
Fawn Moscato (New Girl) wants you to work on your sexy parts
4. “No Homo”
The number one reason men don’t train glutes? They’re afraid it’s gay. It’s not. We’re just a stupid species.
Men—dumb, dumb, men—think, “What if my ass gets big and attracts a man? I’d hate to be treated how women are!”
The moment a straight dude does anything remotely glute-focused, he panics and yells “no homo.” Could you imagine having to say “no homo” after each rep? “One. No homo. Two. No homo. Three. No homo.” It’s tough.
But times are changing. Men are less likely to pat each other’s butt after a baseball game, in part because nobody plays baseball. They don’t whip each others butts with towels in the lockerroom like they used to. There’s more concern over sexual harassment, and more acceptance of our gay bretherin.
Look, having an ass flatter than Florida is fine. But the imbalance and subsequent lower back pain isn’t. So consider an occasional thrust, or even unironically hopping onto a hip abduction machine. Being more rounded doesn’t hurt.
And, sure, anytime a man gets on a hip abudction machine someone else has to make the joke,”Are you working out your vagina today?” But as the great Fawn Moscato (New Girl) said, "Power eminates from the vagina, so why block it?"
5. Final Thoughts
Women and gay men figured out the secret to elite-level ass gains while straight men were still debating whether training abs is worth it. But men have the potential to change this.
Here’s the way us straights get a hip thrust redemption arc:
Admit You Have an Ass – Look in the mirror. Accept its existence. It’s there.
Stop Skipping Leg Day – Self explanatory.
Do Your Glute Activation – It’s OK if you use resistance bands and dress like Richard Simmons. Suck it up. Do some kegals even.
Learn Proper Form – Kill your ego. Numbers don’t matter. If your lower back hurts during a thrust, congorts, you’re doing it wrong. Try again.
Lower back pain is the worst. And thrusts will help your core, translating to better squats, bench press and other “manly” exercise.
And if you’re still worried about looking “gay” while training your glutes, just remember: You’re wrong.
Women love men with strong glutes. Symmetry is sought in body building. Also, you don’t need a belt if your butt keeps your pants up. And finally, maybe your gym crush or future gym crush will notice you and ask for a pointer if you do similar excercises, and do them right.
So grow an ass that makes your ancestors proud.
Thoughts?
Am I too booty obsessed? Let me know what you think!
Here’s some random proof: 1. Men are afraid of their own asses 2. Women are not.
Mid-2025 Update: I stand by this essay. However, after just eight months of hip thrusts, once a week or once every two weeks, I have seen major gains. I went from topping at [40 kilos * 8] to [100 kilos * 12]. My butt still has nothing on the girls and gays at my gym, but I’m on my way.
If you want to read more on fitness, Guy’s Fitness Guide is a 10 page guide to fitness.
Or read my other attempts at humor.
